“Why are you staring at me so curiously?” she asked, her voice rigid. I replied softly, “There’s no specific reason. When I look at you, I see a vibrant spirit filled with amazing desires, and it’s truly pleasing to my eyes.” Her smile widened as she stretched and gazed at me.
We shared a laugh, perched atop a hill near our school on a sunny noon. The scenery around us was an incomparable masterpiece of nature, mesmerizing us completely. In that moment, she once again described the essence of our relationship. She said, “We were friends, we are friends, and we will always be friends. Just friends forever. So there’s no point in dwelling on my poor spirit, you know?” I nodded and replied, “I understand. But love is completely illogical and irrational. It goes beyond our relationship, surpassing our feelings. It’s elusive and encompasses our entire way of life. It’s reflected in our actions, the words we use, and how we experience life. Your existence is itself an expression of love, the only genuine expression it can have. Everything else is an illusion.” I shared with her the philosophies I had come across. She looked surprised and asked, “What happened to you today, Asoc? Why are you so emotional? Do you really love me?” We fell silent for a moment, and then burst into laughter.
The rainy season had arrived, and we couldn’t predict when the rain would begin. Soon enough, heavy rain poured down, drenching both of us. She wore a white kurta suruwal and felt deeply embarrassed to stand in front of me. I gazed directly into her face, making her blush. Water droplets fell gently from her beautiful hair. At that moment, a song by Ram Krishna Dhakal came to my mind, and I hummed it playfully while running my fingers through her hair. She smiled, impressed by the gesture, and suddenly leaned towards me. I instinctively supported her, feeling the heat despite the rain. It was a kind of intense heat and desire I had never experienced before. I looked at her face and witnessed her incredible beauty. With closed eyes, she allowed me to brush her hair away from her forehead and plant a kiss there. Her smile lingered with closed eyes, and she whispered against my neck, “Please hold me.” I held her tightly, savoring her every breath and heartbeat. Then she asked, “Asoc, do you love me?” I found myself unable to answer. She reminded me, “You once agreed that love is illogical and irrational, and we won’t know when and how it happens.” I whispered, “You are more than everything I’ve ever desired. I cannot and will not let you slip through my fingers,” and I cradled her in my lap like a child, kissing her lips.
We became lost in a rhythm, cherishing those precious moments. Suddenly, she pulled away and asked, “Asoc, how would you define your love?” I replied, “Kali, it’s like a red, red rose.” She smiled once again.